Saturday, December 29, 2018

My Word for 2019 - GLORY!

Since 2012, which is the first time I have a record of doing so, I have prayed and asked the Holy Spirit to speak a word over my life for the upcoming year. So far, these are the words I have received.

Surrender (2012) - In November 2012, I accepted Christ as my personal Savior.

Freedom (2013) - 2013 was a year of fighting for continued freedom from oppression/depression

Hope (2014) - In 2014 I began to have hope that I would live in full freedom.

Goodness (2015) - In 2015, God declared His goodness to me, and I learned that if you do not, at your core, believe that God is good, nothing else you believe matters.

Trust (2016) - 2016 was a hard year for our family.  Bill and I separated, and had the Holy Spirit not spoken trust over my life in late 2015, I am not sure I would have survived.

Joy (2017) - In late 2016 when I first began praying and asking the Holy Spirit for my word, I was anything but joyful.  Bill and I were still separated and I had every reason to give into the old demons of oppression and depression. But because the Holy Spirit had spoken joy over my life, I was held.  My mother passed away in the late Spring of the year, and I was faced for the second time in two years without a home or a plan, but God and joy, guided the way.

Rest (2018) - After several years of struggle, the word rest was a reprieve.  With the sale of my childhood home, I was able to take a year to simply be.  In that time the Holy Spirit did a mighty work, and Bill and I reunited after being separated for two years.

and for 2019, my word is GLORY!

I don't know why it seems odd to me, because it should come as no surprise that God knows me better than I know myself. And yet each year the word always takes me by surprise.  It is never what I expect it to be, or even what I would choose for myself.  But thankfully, "His ways are higher than our ways."

It happens almost the same way each time.  Some time around October I will begin to pray and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal His word for the upcoming year.  Typically after a while it will begin to show up, repeatedly, and my spirit will move in such a way that I simply know.  This year, however, was a little different.  It didn't show up repeatedly, but rather unexpectedly, but once I read it and felt that old familiar feeling, I knew.

I was visiting a few blogs that I read on a regular basis, when I came across this post, and as soon as I read the word "GLORY", I knew.  I didn't understand, at first, the word seemed odd, but when I read it again, the Holy Spirit began to reveal the word, and the why.

"Moses was overwhelmed with the responsibility of shepherding an entire nation of stubborn people. It was time to move them out of the temporary home they had settled into at the base of Mount Sinai and lead them into the Promised Land—a vast expanse of terrain that was already occupied by foreign people with large and powerful armies.

After begging for confirmation that God was, in fact, leading them into Operation Take the Land I Have for You, Moses asked for one more sign that God was with them:

“Show me Your glory!,” he whispered toward the end of Exodus 33.

“Okay,” God replied. “I’ll show you My glory by making all of My goodness pass before you, and I will proclaim the name of the Lord before you” (vv. 18-19, my paraphrase)"

- Jane Johnson

Like Moses, my life has seen many changes in recent months, and there are more to come. And have I mentioned I don't like change? Even change that is good is hard for me. I want to burrow in, stay settled, and if I do open myself to change, I'd prefer it be pleasurable. (I can hear God laughing!)

I think Moses must have felt the same way. When he envisioned the promised land, after years of leading a stubborn people through the desert, I'm sure it was more along the lines of "Hidden Valley", you know, that sweet little community you see in the backdrop of those commercials? But the land that God had promised was occupied, complete with armies ready for battle. It would be hard fought. God's promise was to be with Moses. in the change, in the battle, that His goodness would pass before him, that His name would be proclaimed, and to show him His glory!

Even though I was saved and began walking in freedom back in 2012, I've learned that salvation is not a one time event, but a life long process.  God, in His mercy, often brings us to repentance "at just the right time", and recently I have been convicted of some attitudes and behaviors that before now, I was unprepared to address, or maybe I was in denial. At any rate, the longer I walk in freedom, the easier it has become to identify the traps. These are the enemies that inhabit the land of my heart and soul, and that I must now battle to drive out and reclaim. A few of them established residence long ago and will be hard fought, but I am ready. Isn't God good?  I've been aware of these changes that I "should" make for awhile now, but in sheer stubbornness I have relented, "That's not really that bad.", "It could be worse, it's not as though I'm (fill in the blank with a sin I deemed worse than my own).  I've made all of the excuses, but as my daughter often says, "It is time to deal!".

I also mentioned the changes that have taken place in my life this year, and I know that with Kate growing up, that there will be more to come. Recently she's been talking with a couple of her girlfriends about the possibility of getting an apartment and moving into together.  She is working full time and going to college. It's odd really, because while I will A L W A Y S be a mother, in many ways I don't feel like one anymore, and nothing really prepares you for that when your children are young. Like Moses, I've been looking to God and asking, "Are you sure this is what my life is supposed to look like right now?  Give me a sign." I don't know what these "Winter Years" of my life will look like. Is it even Winter, or can I still claim Spring? I mean, I'm only 57? :). It's a little unsettling really, I know how I would like to live out the remaining years of life, but like Moses, I hear God saying that there is still work to do. My security is not in a little house in the country, or a meager but sufficient retirement plan, but in God alone. "Show me your glory". Not a sign that all will be well. Not a star to lead me to the destination. But in the struggle, in the unknown, in the change, show me your GLORY!

Shortly after confirming His word for me, I read this verse;

"The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."

~ Zephaniah 3:17

This is my verse for 2019.

So here's to change. To uncharted territory. To driving strongholds from the land. To seeking out His goodness. To proclaiming His name. The Lord, who is in our midst, C L O S E, rejoices over me with gladness, quiets me with His love, and rejoices over me with singing.  Here's to

G  L  O  R  Y!

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